Writings from a shepherd of Christ's flock

Tag: Grief

When Chaos Floods Your World

During the season’s first Monday Night Football, a matchup between the Bills and the Jets, the camera paused on a healthy, smiling young man on the Bills sideline. It was Damar Hamlin, the Bills safety who, just over eight months ago, collapsed on the field after making a routine tackle. Like millions who were watching that January game, I stared in shock at the television as an ambulance drove onto the field and 65,000 fans in the stadium were silenced by this inexplicable and entirely unanticipated event. A healthy, strong, 24-year-old professional athlete had just dropped like a rag doll onto the field. 

It was only natural to feel a range of emotions as I saw Hamlin alive and in good spirits, from joy that he is back on the team, ready to play, to a nervous remembrance that his near-death experience could happen to anyone. There is a chaos in our world. It is usually held at bay by the limited control we exercise over nature and our resources. But when chaos intrudes into our regularly scheduled programming, it leaves us wondering when it will happen again. [ . . . ]  [read more]

Grief, One Year In

On May 25, 2018, Rachael burst into the bedroom a little after 6:30 AM sobbing, “Chris…your dad…he died!”

I didn’t cry in that moment. I stared at the ceiling in a daze. Time stood still. The shock cauterized my emotions and fogged my mind. Here a load-bearing wall in the Davis house had unexpectedly, impossibly collapsed and all I could do was watch blankly. [ . . . ]  [read more]

With Vision Partly Blurred

I didn’t know what to expect from a visit to my father’s grave, but I knew I had to make the trip. It had been nearly 10 months since I stood by that plot at the graveside service. Afterwards Samuel, then 3, packed down the mound of brown, moist dirt, engaging this shocking loss more freely and tactually than anyone else. Our conversation was profound:

“What did we just see happen, Sam?”
“Grandpa is dead.”
“And where is he now?”
“He’s into God.”
“And where is his body?”
“His body is down there.” [ . . . ]  [read more]

Sorrow Undone: A story in progress

I originally wrote this in September 2012.

Michael was one of my groomsmen, and his wife Emily one of Rachael’s bridesmaids. These were not honorary positions but acknowledgements of deep friendship. During our early college years, Michael and I prayed much together. He joined me on weekend trips home to Atlanta and fast became an honorary Davis. We did ministry together, and we ministered to each other. As Michael shared more of his painful family history–along with the contorted view of God those experiences handed him–our times of tears and anger and unanswered questions and scripture and just doing something were the early indicators that God was making me a pastor. [ . . . ]  [read more]

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